The “Lindsey Clancification” of the Muslim Ummah.
There’s a new dangerous phenomenon I’m noticing, where people use Islam to, in essence, justify their lack of proper tarbiyah for their children.
Let’s call it the spiritual insanity plea - killing the soul and Iman of their children.
I see more and more parents playing the “qadar Allah” card, or the, “Allah is the one who guides who He wants,” card. No doubt it is Allah who guides, and no doubt all matters that happen in this Universe are by the will of Allah, but that doesn’t excuse your negligence in parenting your child.
If you throw your child into the lion’s den and only give him a few twigs to fight them off, you can’t claim “Qadar Allah” and say, '“You know, we tried our best but he didn’t make it out alive.” No right-minded individual would say this is OK, but we are doing it with our children and how we have prioritized this dunya over the akhirah.
For example, you give your child every luxury, every gadget, a new phone, approve their social media accounts, and you let them be on their own because you’re too busy.
Busy with what?
Watching dubbed Netflix TV shows because you’ve exhausted all your native language programming, and when they start to do things that sound the alarm bells such as Muslim men who start dating Hindu women, or your daughter is in a relationship with another woman, you act surprised and wonder how things went wrong.
You don’t send your boys to Friday prayer even though it is easier than it has ever been to get an excuse to leave school, so they don’t hear any passionate reminders. Your daughters go to liberal schools, go to school dances, go to parties, go to the movies with “friends that are boys,” and then you say,
“Brother, it’s best for her to stay at home and not come to the Masjid. The hadith of the Prophet ﷺ says it is better for women to pray at home!
Subhan Allah, the twisting of the truth. No doubt it is better for a woman to stay at home and pray, but if she needs to be reminded of her main purpose in life, and we send her to environments that promote haram, she should go to the Masjid. Maybe she can even bring a friend with her and they can help one another spiritually.
After a certain amount of time goes by, the real coping, or copium as I like to call it, comes in:
“I don’t know how brother, but my daughter she started living in the University, and she lost her ways. But Subhan Allah, it is Allah’s qadr and we just have to accept it, and ask Allah to guide them back. Only Allah can guide!
Subhan Allah brother, it is Allah who guides at the end of the day, and it’s out of our control. It’s like the Uncle of the Prophet ﷺ who even though he was with the Prophet ﷺ, he was not able to be guided." Brother, Allah even mentions it in the Qur’an!”
إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِى مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَهْدِى مَن يَشَآءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ
Surah Qasas (28:56)
(You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided.)
“You see brother, we are like the example of the Prophet ﷺ. We are following his footsteps (!), and even though we tried you know, we bring them to Sunday School when we can, but still subhan Allah, it is Allah’s will and He guides who He wants. It’s out of our hands! Allah is Al-Haadi!”
The amount of copium is enough for anyone to overdose.
It is not part of Islam to blame qadr for our actions, or our lack of actions when it comes to things that are within our control. Where is the, “Subhan Allah, I messed up bad!”
or the
“Where did I go wrong? What could I have done better?”
The worst part of this copium is you see what happens when you are not involved and for example put a girl in a dormitory, but then you do the same exact thing with your second daughter, thinking the outcome will be different. 4 years later, you have the same outcome, and once again you scream and cry, “Qadar Allah!”
Imagine someone who plays videogames all day, eats chips and Doritos and drinks Mountain Dew all day, and decides to have the occasional coffee because it is healthy, you know, the - mocha frappe macchiato grande with 6 pumps of caramel and extra whip cream - and repeats this cycle for years. All of a sudden, he goes for his annual checkup, and he finds out he has diabetes. What is his reaction?
“Oh, Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha'a fa'ala. Allah has decreed and whatever He wills, He does. I have to accept it because it was out of my hands!”
Anyone with a shred of a brain cell would call this insane, but that is exactly what we’re doing with our kids when they go astray! We expose them to 40-50 hours of un-Islamic environments in schools, parties, and their exposure to Islam is maybe 2 hours on Sunday, and even then you miss half the sessions, and all of a sudden you wonder why Abdullah is dating Meenakshi?
Or why you read some messages on Yasmin’s phone mentioning something about scissoring even though she’s not in any arts and crafts classes?
People forget the classic hadith regarding the man with the camel:
Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I leave her untied and trust in Allah?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in Allah.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2517
We are destroying our children’s souls and their Iman, and we are using the insanity plea by throwing the “Qadar Allah” card every time we mess up. We’re essentially blaming Allah for our shortcomings.
Who does that remind us of?
Shaytan himself:
.قَالَ فَبِمَآ أَغْوَيْتَنِى لَأَقْعُدَنَّ لَهُمْ صِرَٰطَكَ ٱلْمُسْتَقِيمَ
[Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them [i.e., mankind] on Your straight path.
Surah Al-A’raf (7:16)
Shaytan put the blame on Allah, and didn’t repent. We need to own up to our mistakes, and even if you think it is too late to fix things, (it is never too late!), ask Allah sincerely for repentance, and do what you can to bring yourself, and your family, back in line.